The Understanding I had about time while reading the section in Sophie's World was fascinating...

Yesterday the man at Ramana Center talked of Raaga, Dukkha and Moha. I found it quite useful... esp. the fact that Moha arises of Dukkha, sense of loss for something or possible loss... and that Moha itself is to be understood as 'lack of discrimination' .. between too much and too less and so on. 

The attitude to another...

Sometimes one is really humbled by the clarity and sensitivity of someone, whom you have often taken for granted!

Yesterday my father was discussing how the conversation occured between him and a prospective tenant for the house. This man who wanted to rent the house, had shown much interest and almost made it clear that he wanted the place... yet he had been taking my father for a bit of a ride with unclear statements and dilly-dallying on the rent amount. He wanted to pay less than what was the rent amount and also not increase the amount each year as is the norm. My father had made some adjustment for him but only to an extent. Having taken a liking to the man he was also giving him more time to think.

What I firstly found amazing is the understanding of the background of the person. He learnt that the man had been living in government quarters before and that too a bigger house. He was middle aged and seemed to be taking a house on rent for the first time and his own HRA fund was limited. Knowing this he already understood that this man will take time to buy into the idea of living on rent and the procedures that go along with it.

Now finally one day when they were trying to arrive at a decision and he was still dilly dallying, another family trouped in. They too had liked the house and after seeing some more option had come to say they were willing to make the deal. They were also ok with the rent. Seeing this occurrence, our man immediately fished out a token payment and gave it to my father... realising that he will loose the house. Now my father could easily have accepted the new tenants who were paying the correct amount. But surely he felt more comfortable with this other person and also had given him the time to think. But given the uncertain nature of this man, there were still room for worry.

I think I would have instead said to him, are you sure, you wont walk out on me right? Now, surely my father had this worry too... but he expressed it so differently. He told him listen you don't have to make a quick decision which you will regret later. Are you sure... He told him that you can get houses at the lesser rent you want as well, if you take the ones on higher floors or in a different colony nearby. Are you sure... I don't want you to decide in a pressure situation.

This was absolutely amazing for me. Because somehow we are often thinking for ourselves and not in a large context. We must of course never forget our own interests... but in that process not have to see ourselves as victims or in need to defend our interests against someone who is naturally going to use us. Yes, right at the start, he rejected some families which seemed more aggressive by nature and could cause trouble later. but having invested some time with this man he was able to then give him room to think.

This is a great lesson. Shivangi was recently telling about her grandfather who used to sometimes fold hands in front of people while negotiating with them. She said that only years later she understood the power of such surrender in front of people as a wonderful way of both strategy - of getting one's work done and also a powerful transformation in one's standpoint towards others and one's own 'ego'. It takes, she said great courage... and perhaps a skill that many in India (and surely elsewhere) had and we have forgotten.