i have it 'fingered' out...?

Ive seen something new about me...

I seem to know what i want much better now than ever before...

I know when i'm in a get together which i need not have come to, i know what extra entertainment or chill out i can give myself even in the middle of work and not feel guilty about it

And - and this is what triggered this bog - i seem to know what exact food i want at a certain time

I get a sudden clearly defined taste in my mouth. Halwa happened somedays back....
right now, just now, midlle of work, came an omlette... fresh, hot, spicy, i could smell it and taste it.
This never used to happen before

is is good that i know what i want...? i hope i dont get to be like this all the time, or life would be such a bore...!!

the food part i dont mind except that it comes at the oddest of moments.. perhaps has to do with the fact that having dispensible income has made me inclined to immediate gratification of desire... hmm... if that's so, my impending unemployment will take some getting used to....

Sniffofit

Smells are not simply about thing A and its smell B. Smells are a process, inextricably linked with both their subject and their object, so to speak. Only when red chilly finds its way to that pool of smoldering oil does its truely give out its fragrance. Not untill it can make the eyes water a little and and lead to a few sneezes is the experience complete.

Smelly gunny bags in which our daily vegetables present themselves are mouldy proof of the freshness of the merchandise. Can the bhaji sold in plastic trays at modern vegetable malls ever give that feel?Perhaps our urbanised senses have got used to another sort of freshness - big shining, clean vegetables, sanitised cold cuts.

However observation in weekly markets in small towns throws another picture. A litle mud on the vegetable just makes it closer to the land. Poultry must be executed in front of me.

Meanwhile, to return to the point I began with, smells are a coming together of many a thing. What is the item stored in? How is it presented? What are my notions of freshness, natural, reliable? what is it mixed with?

Tea powder is as if waiting to be added to hot water, mud when sprinked with water acquired a whole new dimension. mogra, jasmine, rose and marigold are intimately linked with memories of weddings, adorning hair with flowers while going to school. Rich thick and heady smells are part of rural and small town India.

And yet again that space from which all appears to be distant and alien. Is it a game of the mind to protect itself or a retreat of the soul form where it can be the observer par excellence. The hilltop where everything else is smaller, the corner seat in the restaurant from where you can absorb the place while the shadows veil your countenance, the flitting vision from the rickshaw from which the city jelously gives away a few relalities

Life in conversation....

- "had Bkfst"? (coz if not S and me will have maggi)
- do you want the all out liquid?
- hee hee ya..so cool...it was super mild! (when a micro mini earthquake spiced up a
listless day in hostel life)
- don't know about gerda lerner (who wrote on the creation of patriarchy)...darn should have attended classes..! (R in one of the several messages we exchanged about wot readings to do and which to leave out)
- my rack will be up for sale soon..lemme know if anyone keen..
- dude that was sinfully brilliant... i'm not an authority on such matters but i'm convinced that chaocolate is better than sex. (SP when i gave her a lindtt)
- he's left already should be in london by now.. (school frnds are all over the place now..hmm)
- ha ha :-D okat then some other time..just retrospecting..don't bring out the tissues yet.. (P on amby gangs and 'us four' nostalgia)
- cant believe but getting little senti about the 4 of us. could'nt have been a better bunch. (same as above)
- thought it had to do with 'boundary' (S on the forever elusive south-west asia readings)
- surveillance! :-) (P when i wasa trying to find out where she went of in the morning..)
- Neha are you planning to discard your readings and notes of second year? do u know of anybody who is ready to give? i'm in dire need (A: already worrying for next yr, while giving exams for 1st year..! )
- Bored as hell ( P - when it was reaching the limit)
- Elite class in satellite country. literally 'interpretor". (R my mobile dictionary, telling me what comprador means)
- arun agarwal rdng onlne undr title enchantment and disenchantment w concept of cmnty or smthg like that. do a google serach it one a site called science direct. (another one of those)
- oh shit! i can empathies are with you...i got one done last yr. clearly ur eating too much chocolate n growing old fast :-) remeber to get a porcelein n not metal cap fr d tooth. and show the Drji ur a duddette. (A on when i had to get a root canal)
- Can i please shoot tila!! (priceless)


Before i end up deleting these messgs... decided to archive them... D school and hostel in the last few months...

Ruminations

and yet again i postpone the moment when i will write a full fledged blog!!

suddenly someone who hardlys speaks her mind came up with a really insightful observation about me... its funny we miss out the depth people can think with if they talk too much or too less... but perhaps it should be so...
public transport is ultimate entertainment...forget Citywalk mall and PVR Gold, not the south Ex market but the South-eX bus stop is what makes my heart beat in tune with this city... The bus carries labourers, students, housemaids, miscreants, shoppers and fresh, lost immigrants... its not all beautiful, something an elite observation that distances itself from it all, as if its a 'movie' may begin to do...but its fascinating, vibrant. The man half falling on me when i travelled in first year coll...both hurt my dignity and strangely also made me realise i am a woman now... whatever that is.. ha ha..did'nt hit me otherwise...! the peanut chhilka is annoying to cleanliness loving eyes, but is stangely reminiscent of long distance travel in India...it has a good feeling...
Seeing people from small towns, or neighbouring delhi (i am guessing they are from there... excuse ignorance) relate to the escalator at the metro station is awesome... instance one from many i have seen... three kids and a couple and an old grandfather... the two small kids run to it, elder sister runs to catch them and stop them before they may ascend onto those staircase with a mind of its own. dutifully keeps the restless souls in control till elders reach... mother goes aiee and hops quickly onto it and then laughs loudly... man joins confidently... the stairs are too fast for the grandfather, who belongs to an era with a different pace, which age has slackened further. but steps in stranger man who props him up with his arm in a jiffy and then glides away with a smile... mission, part 1, accompalished... i suppose they found another helpful soul for Part 2, touchdown.
3 years back i was shit scared of escalators, encoutering one for the first time in a mall... i would have felt the same fear and the exileration each time i managed, but of course you hide it, who wants to make a fool of oneself...! ha ha... it was nice to see an open expression of feelings...though i guess back home, even they cant do it...!