Gross Happiness...

I seem to find fault in all the work i do.

I see the articles i wrote about my issues with alternate education in Shibumi, with the biases of Sociology, with the selfish motives of Market Research and now i will write about the frustrations of cosmetic social change in the Social sector.

Of course i knew what i was getting int this time. I know it from my family. But then you really wonder, where can one go where there is both SOME money and good, real work?

Seems that is too much to ask for...

Moreover, i find that i get things much faster than others do and they waste so much time making sense of things that are staring them in their face.

Why is that so? And what is the answer? Do i compromise and go to a space where there is money, clear work and excellence but little meaning. or bunk all that and search for elusive meaning? Will it all culminate in setting up yet another NGO?!

Or do i get into teaching - at least a job whose quality i think (who knows) i will have control over?

Because i don't want to leave it all and go live in a village, where just maybe you can make real change. I can. But what about savouring the things of life? They can (albeit differently) be savoured in a village too, but oh not yet!

Meanwhile, lets see, the high life temps but its like fools gold. Especially when your search of another kind. Or is the demand for something more meaningful just a lot of vanity and a lot more of naivety?

-- Although i think I'm missing the point, the world is what it is. the question remains, what moves you? But then again after having seen so much of the present and real character of the world - its economy and society, can you really go back to - simply what moves YOU?

It's about can you deal with hypocrisy within yourself or can you deal with less of the good things in life. Strangely even radicalism has gone elite in some ways- books, ideas, methods... are found in social circles and you find yourself drawn back into all this. To move away from that too would be truly radical - and then the final question that confronts you is that are you just being socially radical or do you want to be personally, spiritually radical as well. And you can't fake that to yourself, unless of course you want to grow into a bitter old woman!

-- Then again, do i make it a big deal, says the ever shifting perspective in my brain? Just go out and enjoy life. Period. hmm. Well. .. so here ends a round of mental masturbation!